Shock Value: Entry 231 "Talk With Me, Not At Me"

I am working on refining my communication methods at this point in my life. Perhaps some of you are great communicators and you don't experience some of the same problems I do when trying to communicate with others. If not, that is just peachy, but for me, it's something I have to work on. Through they years, I have learned that there is a vast difference between communication and effective communication. If the receiver is not receiving the correct message sent by the sender, then your communication is ineffective. I always try to articulate things in the appropriate manner, but somethings bother me when trying to communicate with others. What I despise is when people "Talk At Me, Not With Me." What I would prefer is for people to "Talk With Me, Not At Me." Let me explain.

I guess some people just assume we want to hear every little detail about their life. I mean, before they are finished with their greeting, they are knee deep into a spill about what happened to them last night. To be honest, most of the time I and you too, could care less. Ma'am/Sir, "Talk With Me, Not At Me." If you at the very least can't involve me in your conversation then I don't feel the need to truly listen and participate. I am not obligated to listen to you, but I choose to because you matter. Thus, it is imperative that you attempt to involve me in this conversation by taking breaks and asking my opinion every now and again.

This tactic of "Talking At" people instead of "Talking With" them will get you no where. It is not foreign to most in any type of relationship or association. You have to know the difference between "Talking At" and "Talking With" someone. If you for some reason have no idea I will let you in a on a sure fire ways to know the difference. If you are droning on about this and that and the person is not responding or saying "uh huh," 9.95 out of 10 times you are "Talking At" them and not "Talking With" them. If you finish your whole complete story or thought and the other person you are suppose to be "Talking With" has no comments or offers responses like, "That's messed up" or a "I agree." Most likely they were not at all paying attention to you or that boring a$$ story and you my friend have just mastered the art of "Talking At" someone and not "Talking With" them.

Communication is all so important. As a matter of fact, the failure to communicate is one of the primary causes for divorce. Not that I believe you may have a problem with your communication, but I just wanted you to know the difference between "Talking With" someone and "Talking At" them. For me, its plain and simple. If you want me to be a part, include me. If you want my opinion, ask me. If you want to have a real engaging conversation with me, Talk With Me, Not At Me" playa.

~Roger That